It is a well known fact (isn't it?) that the hardest part of any writing assignment is the first paragraph. Usually, by the time you have done that, you then find it necessary to rewrite the first sentence! How many of you, I wonder, ever pause to consider the man who is committed to producing a monthly column. If you have ever got that far, think about the poor sucker who has to come up with a humorous (?) column every month.
So, there I was at 1.30 a.m. with a rather feeble bit about about Christmas presents and nothing to pad it out with. The temptation here is to have a go at just about anyone or anything which has upset you lately and add on some sarcastic comment to make it qualify - barely - as funny. (Thinks - if anybody rereads any of your recent efforts, Graunchet, you're sunk).
Well, I thought, how about having a go at the scale lot, who seem to be diminishing in numbers somewhat since the scale boom about 7 or 8 years ago. You could point out how you gave it all up in disgust then after having your painstakingly researched masterpiece dismissed as 'wrong' by a judge who couldn't be bothered to read your documentation. No, too bitchy, forget that one.
Ah, yes, but at least you now have a heading (see above). All you have to do now is write a piece to go with it. This could be the greatest discovery since writing began, think of the title first then write the article to fit! On second thoughts, it may not be that revolutionary after all.
How about this years weather then? After little or no flying at all for the first five months or so, it seems to have improved now that most of us have lost interest anyway. I would never drag religion into this column, but if you believe in the existence of some supreme omnipotent being - and I do - how can you possibly see he/it as being benevolent? No, too heavy, leave that one alone.
Well, there's nothing else for it...
Regular readers may have noticed a certain degree of cynicism creeping in here and there on the subject of the vintage movement which, bless it's heart, still seems to be going from strength to strength. The R/C side of the movement now seems to be well established on a path which is heading further and further away from the original intent. Most of its supporters seem to be quite happy with this trend, so if its that popular, who am I to knock it?
The C/L scene now seems to be on the verge of a similar trend, although there is some effort being made to stop this. Scaling a given design up or down, which is permitted in R/C, has now been outlawed, temporarily at least, for contest purposes.
Perhaps the phrase 'for contest purposes' holds the key to the whole dilemma - wasn't the whole idea supposed to be for fun originally?
As a dedicated contest flyer myself, you may find my attitude to the present vintage scene rather confusing. This is due to the fact that I was active at the time that most of todays vintage designs were being flown and the appeal of these models now is purely nostalgic. It would give me immense satisfaction to win a contest flying a model which was built exactly as it was in those days against all the modern 'improvements'.
This would mean the use of an original motor, propeller, spinner, wheels, etc. fitted to a model which was built using only balsa cement and covered with tissue with a dope and fuelproofer finish.
Perhaps the answer for nuts like me is the introduction of a 'Nostalgia' class for all those with long enough memories to remember what it was really like in those days, when 'Aeromodeller' cost more than a months pocket money.
Magazines are so cheap these days that nobody finds any status in buying them anymore!
It would be very nice to be able to send out a great many Christmas presents to all those who you thought deserved them for one reason or another. This would, however, be highly expensive and, in some cases, impractical. So, on the premise that its the thought that counts, here goes with a list of all those people that I would like to send presents to and details of the present that I would like to send. If you don't understand all of the connections, well at least it shows how widely read I am.
Alec Gee: A set of flying lessons.
David Boddington: A set of reading glasses.
Bill Burkinshaw: A self charging battery.
Geoff Clarke: Free membership of SAM 35.
Colin Cameron-Tough: A dictionary.
Lewis Eckett: An indestructible car.
Ray Hostetler: A set of chemical scales.
John Wallington: Two sets of new, painted, Baron 60 fuselage mouldings.
Len Mount: An indestructible motor.
Martin Briggs: A cure for vibration.
Nigel Brackley: A film he hasn't worked on.
Barrie Lever and Bill Rutherford: A good caller.
Nancy Rutherford: A good pilot to call for.
John Elmer: Continuing enthusiasm for the model business.
Mick Wilshere: A silent stall warning hooter.
Tony Stevenson: An editor for R/C Model World.
Mike Whittard: An authentic unknown 1946 design.
Leonardo Da'Vinci: An engineering works.
Dave Lowery: An 0-2-0 loco.
Scalefour Society: A working Vacuum cylinder.
Iain Rice: An unknown 517 variant.
Dave and Shirley Rowe: Waterproof polystyrene.
Frank Williams and Jacques Lafitte: A full recovery.
Nicky Lauda: A new challenge.
Ayrton Senna: A worthy team-mate.
Dave Whitney: A world sewing machine record.
Vago Nordigian: An indestructible Star-Ranger.
Gordon Council: A four times full size Mills.
Dave Day: A nose-in switch.
Ian Peacock: More finesse.
Pete Russell: A German slotted delta canard STOL.
Ron Moulton: Good health.
All ASP staff: A file with a cake in it.
Well, 2.45 a.m. and another column finished. Its amazing how the words appear once you get over that first paragraph. And I didn't offend anyone this month - did I?