One of the more interesting aspects of producing this column lies in the correspondence which it generates, which ranges from the sublime to the Oh-gor-blimey. My recent piece on public relations resulted in a letter from a gentleman who thought it was about engine noise(?). He then launched into a tirade against control-line models and included the incredible statement that a motor was more noisy when installed in one! Weird!
The same piece also brought forth a letter from M.Jones of Ross-on-Wye, which would be worth publishing verbatim if only this magazine had a letters column. At one time, Mr. Jones was managing a local model shop when a group of schoolchildren and schoolmaster stopped outside. "Yes," said the master, "I know the toys are very nice but would you please pay attention to me!" What would you have done in that situation?
Further along in his letter, he states, "a lot of the time models and the noises they emit do not give any reasonable person grounds for making any complaints and one has to look for other motives to explain peoples objections."....."In Ross-on-wye there is enough open space to fly Concorde or land a NASA shuttle. The RAF frequently make use of this open space by attempting to knock chimney pots off peoples roofs as part of their low level exercises - and of course nobody complains!"
After commenting on the failure of many adult modellers to stand up for their hobby, Mr. Jones goes on to say, 'This particular guy doesn't have any rights and so it isn't surprising that he has to wade through feet deep farmyard mud, negotiate five-bar gates and fences, stumble along the edges of ploughed fields and through a profusion of undergrowth to get to the spot, miles from civilisation, where with a small group of like-minded consenting adults (sounds like FAI pylon racing - R.G.) he can remove his plastic mack and expose his particular quirk. It's a rotten image for the hobby and it isn't at all surprising that so few youngsters become involved.'
I'll say 'Amen' to that one and thank you Mr. Jones for reading what I wrote.
In recent months this magazine has given considerable coverage to the activities of its previous editor. One might have thought that a reciprocal arrangement would apply but, sadly, this has not been the case. This is unfortunate, in a way, since it overshadows - and devalues - the achievements of the current editor; a shy, retiring man who tends to hide his light under a bushel.
So, lets attempt to redress the balance a little in favour of the present incumbent.
One of the braver and more farsighted of his activities was a recent attempt to make the first channel crossing by a chuck glider. Unfortunately, the model soon became waterlogged and travelled a shorter and shorter distance between each chuck. Its not really surprising that the R/C gear ceased to work at a very early stage, but in the circumstances it wasn't really needed anyway. The increasing effort required for each launch made rowing very difficult and more effort was expended in getting into position to recover the model than was used to travel between launching points.
A further problem was caused by the fact that one arm was much better at chucking, which meant that the other arm did all the rowing. The attempt was abandoned after three days of circling just outside Dover harbour.
Another similar project was an attempt on the underwater speed record using an R/C submarine. Perhaps the advice of an indoor modeller, regarding the rubber motor used to power the model, would have led to greater success. Some unkind people were heard to remark that he should have used the chuck glider!
It is a great tribute to the man's talent that he has become such a great and experienced flyer in such a short time when you consider his very considerable handicaps - notably an aversion to flying on any day which has a 'Y' in its name.
I am sure that the day will come when the sun will be in the right place, the moon the right colour, the wind and temperature just right, etc. so that he can demonstrate just how proficient he is. Bravo Alec. Full marks for trying! Eat your heart out, DB.
After an uneventful take-off and climbout the airliner settled down into its cruise, the 'seatbelts' and 'no smoking' signs were extinguished and the stewards served the first round of drinks and set about providing dinner for the 400 or so passengers.
"Your attention please," said the tannoy system, "this is your Captain speaking. Transplanetary Airlines would like you all to know that you are participating in a little bit of history. You are passengers on the first fully automatic trans-atlantic crossing by a commercial airline. After numerous trials, with a living pilot as a back-up, we are completely satisfied with this revolutionary new system.
"Therefore, on this flight, for the very first time, there is no pilot aboard and you are entirely in the hands of the automatic system. Let us, however, hasten to assure you that the device is completely infallible and nothing can possibly go wrong....go wrong....go wrong....go wrong....
The control tower of a major airport received a call from an aircraft, in a holding pattern, requesting a time check.
"Identify yourself, please", requested the tower.
"Never mind who I am," came the irritated reply, "just tell me the damn time!"
"Well," said the tower, "if your are British Airways, the time is 1500 hours British Summer Time; if you are Air France, the time is 1600 hours Central European time; if you are TWA, the time is 0900 hours Eastern Standard time and if you are Pan Am, the little hand is on 2 and the big hand is on 12!
A well known kit manufacturer was asked why he no longer advertised in ***&* magazine.
"Well", he replied, "** Models don't advertise in my catalogue, so why should I advertise in theirs?"