Very much in the news these days are those things which the experts call 'air misses' and which the popular press calls 'near misses'. Near misses? Surely a miss is a miss and a 'near miss' would, therefore, be a hit. What they really mean, of course, is a 'near hit'. Perhaps being accurate sounds too sensational!
Having got that bit wrong they then go on to blame air traffic control for being outdated, overloaded, etc. Now wait a minute, I thought they missed each other.
Surely the time to apportion blame is when they hit each other? With so many misses taking place, somebody must be doing a pretty good job. It would make more sense to complement air traffic control on the fact that there were no collisions. The whole thing takes on an air of comic opera when you realise that the initial operations from the new London STOLport took place without the benefit of any air traffic control at all. Fortunately, someone realised that there would be no-one to blame for any accidents, so operations were suspended while they sought a cure. The system they eventually came up with is probably just as dangerous, but they now have a scapegoat handy when needed.
It all sounds rather like that well-known British institution of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory!
Can there be anyone out there who is unaware of the continuing proliferation of new magazines on just about any subject you can imagine (and some you can't). In a way, this is a sincere testament to the tenacity of the publishing business since, as we have already noted, at least one major newsagent chain is doing its best to cut down on the number.
Amazingly enough, there are a whole range of magazines produced and sold without the benefit of any proper distribution network. Some of these have been around for a long time, including at least one which deals with a specialist aspect of our own hobby.
Perhaps this latter phenomenon relates to our well-known tendency to champion the underdog, no matter how pathetic (apologies to fans of Eddie 'Eagle' Edwards). Many modellers of my acquaintance are willing to pay �3-00 for a glossy magazine filled with poor photographs of models emerging from trees and no real information other than manufacturers handouts. Yet the Argus hierarchy would never sanction such a thing - and why should they when those self same modellers complain bitterly about the wonderful 'Aeromodeller' costing �1-85!
When this writer first bought a copy of 'Aeromodeller', in November 1946, it cost 1/3d (6p). That was an absolute fortune. There were a range of rubber powered scale kits on sale at that time which also cost 1/3d. At the recent SAMS indoor meeting at Watford, I saw a modern version of these same kits - at �4-99 each!
If someone produced a general aeromodelling magazine at around �3 - �3-50 a month, I'd buy it. All those in favour say 'Aye'.
Usually, this column tends to write itself, but occasionally it gets to be a problem. Sometimes the self-writing facility leads me into trouble when some innocent remark, made in passing, inflames some guilty conscience (hell hath no fury like a guilty conscience - sorry ladies). Yet, some deliberately outrageous remark, designed to provoke a response, frequently gets no attention at all.
One contributer to this column recently wrote a piece which inflamed a certain reader to the point where he repeatedly rang the office and reduced RM's secretary, Ann, to tears on three separate occasions by his bullying and threats. When he eventually spoke to the editor, he was niceness itself and agreed that everything which was said was correct. There are suitable words to describe this party - but they are better used face to face. On second thoughts, make that face to faces.
So, smitten by an awareness of unsuspected sensitivities, a reluctance to flagellate a deceased equine quadruped, and with a desire to castigate a euphoric clairvoyant, we are left with half a column and nothing to say...
(Gee censored this...)
Er, well, yes, you still there? Those computer magazines are still at it and the desease is spreading. I'm referring to the plague of humorous sub-headings, of course. One recent article on putting command codes into page headers was entitled 'Code in the head'. A well- known motor racing periodical recently had an article on ice-racing with the title 'Snow wonder'.
My favourite, however, is a remark from the TV series 'Hot Metal' (well, its still about publishing) - "You're a man who doesn't know the meaning of the word illiterate".
As the psychiatrist said, "You're not insane; no-one knows what's going on in 'Moonlighting'!"
Anyone with a fair collection of interests/hobbies (and when your interests stroke your hobbies you don't need to read this rubbish!) will sooner or later run into memory problems. We all find our own ways of dealing with this, of course. Some people leave little notes to themselves. A well-known importer of modelling goods of my acquaintance will scribble telephone orders onto any available scrap of paper and then spend hours finding it later. He has conditioned himself to remember that there was an order from X, but cannot trust his memory with the details.
The obvious solution in this technological age is to use a computer - or is it. If you were prepared to spend the whole day sitting at a keyboard - and lots of extra evening work typing in past details - it could work. But how do you go about remembering that the information is in the computer and where to find it? Yes, of course - put it in the computer.
Apart from the increasing possibility of nightmares about power failures or corrupted discs - both of which can be covered by even more expense - there comes a time when you have to start trusting the damn thing. You could keep two copies of everything and paper notes as well, but that does tend to defeat the original object a little. Here again, you could end up with a workshop which has more boxes of discs and/or tapes than toy aeroplanes.
Increasing age will only heighten the problem as ones personal memory bank begins to slow down and overflow. When you reach the point where you need an external memory and accept that it is more reliable, you are well and truly on the downslope.
I'll leave it to the more clever ones among you to decide whether old age needs a computer, or possessing a computer makes you feel old.